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Research on "Monster Mothers" for GWSS senior project.

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My mom has this manuscript, this unpublished novel that she wrote many years ago when I was in high school. I didn’t read it then but when I was older, away at college, and starting to gain a greater awareness of gender stereotypes and expectations that filled me with rage, mentions of the novel started showing up. “This character does this” or “It’s like this scene I wrote where…” and eventually the question came from my mother: “Do you think you would like to read it?” I said yes and agreed to help edit and discuss it with her as I worked my way through it so she could get some new, “younger” feedback. The novel revolves around three women though it’s odd to read it, knowing my mom, because all of the women just seem like extensions of herself, or rather, each represents an aspect of her that are present simultaneously inside of her which she has detached, pulled out, and tried to examine individually. Hannah is a woman who has decided against having children. This character becomes a kind of “what if” game for my mother, as she explores where she may have ended up if she had never had children in the first place. Hannah stands well on her own, she doesn’t have any overbearing desires to snag a mate or to hurry up and procreate as her “biological clock” ticks away. She doesn’t behave “naturally” towards kids when she is around them or has to work with them. For her, kids don’t offer a worth-while future. Somehow, Hannah is the one character I was never scared to read about. Everyone wonders how their lives would be different if they had made a different choice at a crucial moment. Without kids, Hannah avoids the risk of hurting kids, making her a non-threat in my mind. Roxanne is feisty to cover up the fact that she feels like a failure. Her kids were taken from her and given to their father and his new wife, a better, more “ideal” woman by Roxanne’s perception (and those around her). Ideal because this woman is in an unbroken relationship, unlike her. Relationship status defining success and “womanliness.” Roxanne embodies the fears of my mother as she worried so much that my father would gain custody and that his new girlfriend was somehow a better person, a better woman, a better mother figure than she was. She feared the statistics that said kids from broken homes have more problems, that they all suffered and did poorly in school. That all kids from broken homes were messed up, were bad. That a single mother was not enough to raise a child, was in fact hurting them by keeping them away from a two parent home. Statistics that told her she would never and could never be enough on her own, that you needed two parents to raise a “normal,” healthy child. Societal pressure that told her she had failed to keep her marriage going by not being able to keep my father satisfied, that it was her fault she had not been able to prevent him from cheating on her repeatedly and moving out. It all fell on her. She could not win just as Roxanne could not succeed. When I initially read the book, I linked her entirely to the character Roxanne, as she occupied a similar situation, had a similar family background as my mother, and expressed the same anxieties, frustrations, and doubts as my mother did in front of us. Slowly, I came to accept that Hannah was a part of my mother too, a part that wondered what would have happened had she remained single and never had children. But, after accepting these two, I realized that the third woman, Meg, was also a character that embodied part of my mother, a part that I had to accept as well. The novel centers around the disappearance of the character Meg, who has multiple children and is married, composed of flashbacks to the time before she vanishes and the reactions Roxanne and Hannah, along with their interactions with investigators attempting to find Meg. Eventually, it is revealed through a series of emails that Meg left her family, suddenly, without warning, not because of some great injustice but because she felt trapped, bored, and fed up. She simply decided to quite the role of doting mother and “good” wife. Meg had lost herself in motherhood, her identity was entirely eaten up by her children. She felt she could not lose this sense of self independent of her children without going insane or harming herself. So she left her children, she sacrificed her relationship with them, in order to regain a sense of who she was as an individual. With Hannah, I was able to write off the choice to not have children as a kind of fantasy my mother entertained at times. With Meg, however, I wasn’t able to do this. Meg’s actions embodied the fears of abandonment I held, particularly following the departure of my father. I think what frightened me the most was the unlike Hannah, who was only responsible for herself, Meg had other responsibilities and other people to take care of, namely her children. Meg leaves them with their incompetent father who doesn’t know how to feed them in the morning and who barely even registers that she is gone to begin with. It seems that she has almost left her children to fend for themselves, as I expected little help from Meg’s husband in the novel, despite their young age. Meg has the potential to harm her children and she does harm them when she leaves. Hannah, in not having children, protects them from herself as a mother, which she believes would be a grossly inadequate and unloving relationship. Roxanne loves her children fiercely, and gives them all that she can, even if it means entertaining the thought of letting their father take custody so that they may stay in a “complete” and unbroken home, something that would be nearly impossible for her to bear. Meg has children, but lacking the foresight of Hannah, has children, believing she will be able to handle the major responsibility. When she isn’t able to cope with the demands of motherhood, that she can’t deal with the all-sacrificing nature that the “job” requires like Roxanne, she puts her own needs above those of her children and leaves. It’s not as though she physically hurts them or leaves them in an environment where this behavior might take place. She leaves them in a rather secure home with a naive father that has many resources and a decent amount of money. So why is it so upsetting that Meg would just disappear? Why was I so scared to think of Meg as being part of my mom? Why was it almost impossible for me to consider that there was an aspect of my mother that regretted having me and my brothers, that thought, at times, that motherhood was too great of a sacrifice and that she would do anything to get her self back? Why did this morph into a fear that my mother would kill me? My mother, who had never behaved violently towards us, and who did all she could to protect us from our father when he became violent, even at the risk of her own health and safety. Why was I terrified that she would drown me like Andrea Yates wen I heard that story as a child? Why was I so scared she would snap and either leave, or kill me and my brothers? Why was I not understanding of Meg and her behaviors and why was I resistant to even try to empathize? It’s because Meg didn’t fit the definition of what I thought a mother should be. What’s unsettling about her is that she isn’t willing to let herself be lost in the “mother” role. She goes along for a while, acting as the “good” wife and “good” mother who gives everything to her family and loves them all the time. She never shows any frustration or sadness towards them, but internalizes it all, blaming herself for not loving her children enough or for even wishing that they were never born. It is this element of Meg, her incapability to conform to the conventional role of motherhood at the sacrifice of her own identity and needs, that makes her seem so “unnatural” and that makes her action so upsetting. Even the thought that mother would dislike her children, or at least, dislike her role as a mother (because there is a difference between the two, one which Meg struggles with) throws people into a rage. Even a non-violent act, such as leaving suddenly, is interpreted as cold, uncaring, bad, and almost abusive. Because, after all, what kind of mother doesn’t love her children 24/7 at the cost of her own personal happiness? Perhaps Meg thought they were better off without her because she wasn’t giving them the level of love they deserved. Perhaps Meg left because she feared she would harm her children and herself if she didn’t. What do we do with a mother who psychologically her children by leaving, in hopes that she will avoid harming them through a violent outburst or a murderous act? Does the abandoning mother become a bad mother? One who has committed a psychological violence? Is the thought of committing actual violence enough to make someone a bad mother, even if they never act on this thought? What is so bad about a mother who wants an identity outside of her children? What is so bad about a mother who gets angry at her child who has been crying for 4 hours straight? Or the one who won’t stop screaming in the middle of Walmart because she won’t buy Fruit-by-the-Foot again? Is this so unnatural? And yet, we portray not just violence, but anger and dislike from a mother to a child as a horrifying crime. We purse our lips at the mother who makes a snarky remark at her child in the store because she isn’t conveying love and patience like a “real” or “good” mother is supposed to. And when violence does occur, we are particularly critical, portraying mothers as the antithesis of the loving figure we imagine they are and should always be. When a mother threatens the life or wellbeing of her child, we start describing her the attributes of a monster: disgusting, unnatural, horrible, psychotic. We shove the angry, abusive, or murderous mother to an extreme, as far away from the ideal mother as possible, across a huge void of ambivalent feelings which no female is allowed to inhabit. So we are left with the “good mothers” and the “monster mothers.” It is the latter which I am interested in breaking down. Why do mothers who try to differentiate themselves from their “mom” role and their kids -- occasionally through abuse, neglect or murder -- become such figures of horror and fright? Why is there an impulse to dehumanize and morph violent or “bad” mothers into monstrous figures in literary description, film, comic books, and video games? Why can’t anger -- the “monster” -- exist inside the mother as an accepted part of her, as an accepted aspect of child raising? Why is this thought so threatening?

Creative & Miscellaneous Work Relating to Topic
"Pressure Building" Twine Game (and "behind the scenes" footage) Old "On the Wind" story that reminded me of [http://monster-mothers.wikia.com/wiki/Lamott,_Anne._Operating_Instructions. Lamott's] pregnancy dream Random thoughts/ideas

Academic and Scholarly Resources
+ Add to full biblio but don't annotate: "The Unnatural Mom " article from CNN, "Monster Stories: Women Charged with Perinatal Endangerment" by Anna Lowenhaupt Tsing (printout), "Black Women and Motherhood in Contemporary Science Fiction" by Carol B. Duncan, Maternal Horror Film: Melodrama and Motherhood by Sarah Arnold, Unsung Heroines: Single Mothers and the American Dream by Ruth Sidel, Promises I Can Keep: Why Poor Women Put Motherhood Before Marriage by Kathryn Edin and Maria Kefalas

+ Chess article on Diner Dash and feminism in video games

+ Kirkland article on masculinity in Silent Hill (http://monster-mothers.wikia.com/wiki/Kirkland,_Ewan._%22Masculinity_in_Video_Games:_The_Gendered_Gameplay_of_Silent_Hill.%22)

+ Shirley Hill article on African American motherhood

+ Sarah Trimble article on monstrosity and boundaries [http://monster-mothers.wikia.com/wiki/Almond,_Barbara._The_Monster_Within Almond, Barbara. The Monster Within.]

[http://monster-mothers.wikia.com/wiki/Cixous,_Helene._%22The_Laugh_of_the_Medusa.%22 Cixous, Hélène. "The Laugh of the Medusa."]

[http://monster-mothers.wikia.com/wiki/Creed,_Barbara._The_Monstrous-Feminine. Creed, Barbara. The Monstrous-Feminine.]

[http://monster-mothers.wikia.com/wiki/Herbert,_Bob._%22In_America;_Empathy_for_a_Killer.%22 Herbert, Bob. "In America; Empathy for a Killer."]

[http://monster-mothers.wikia.com/wiki/Meyer,_Cheryl._Mothers_Who_Kill_Their_Children. Meyer, Cheryl. Mothers Who Kill Their Children.]

[http://monster-mothers.wikia.com/wiki/Murr,_Andrew._%22Motherhood_and_Murder.%22 Murr, Andrew. "Motherhood and Murder."]

[http://monster-mothers.wikia.com/wiki/Orenstein,_Peggy._Flux. Orenstein, Peggy. Flux.]

Literary Resources
[http://monster-mothers.wikia.com/wiki/Euripides._Medea. Euripides. Medea.]

[http://monster-mothers.wikia.com/wiki/Euripides._The_Bacchae. Euripides. The Bacchae.]

[http://monster-mothers.wikia.com/wiki/Lamott,_Anne._Operating_Instructions. Lamott, Anne. Operating Instructions.]

[http://monster-mothers.wikia.com/wiki/Morrison,_Toni._Beloved. Morrison, Toni. Beloved.]

[http://monster-mothers.wikia.com/wiki/Morrison,_Toni._Sula. Morrison, Toni. Sula.]

[http://monster-mothers.wikia.com/wiki/Parks,_Suzan-Lori._The_Red_Letter_Plays.#Quotes_and_Notes Parks, Suzan-Lori. The Red Letter Plays.]

Multimedia Resources
+Cite, but don't annotate: That Dragon, Cancer; Depression Quest, Mommie Dearest, Precious, "Spirit of the Stairwell" by Circa Survive, The Brood, My Monster Momma Loves Me So, Brave, Papo & Yo, "Manifesto of Mother Monster" by Lady Gaga, Riding in Cars with Boys

+ Amazing World of Gumball episode

+ A Mother's Inferno game

+ Papo & Yo as contrast with paternal monster figure (Father reveal from the monster versus mother's slow evolution into a monster given her behavior. Development and taking on of monstrosity versus "revealed" bad humanity that is struggling, hurt, and semi-excused via addiction)

[http://monster-mothers.wikia.com/wiki/Barry,_Lynda._One_Hundred_Demons. Barry, Lynda. One Hundred Demons.]

[http://monster-mothers.wikia.com/wiki/Climax_Studios._Silent_Hill:_Origins. Climax Studios. Silent Hill: Origins.]

[http://monster-mothers.wikia.com/wiki/Coraline._Directed_by_Henry_Selick. Coraline. Directed by Henry Selick.]

[http://monster-mothers.wikia.com/wiki/Double_Helix_Games._Silent_Hill:_Homecoming. Double Helix Games. Silent Hill: Homecoming.]

[http://monster-mothers.wikia.com/wiki/Lapham,_David._Crossed:_Family_Values. Lapham, David. Crossed: Family Values.]

[http://monster-mothers.wikia.com/wiki/McMillen,_Edmund._The_Binding_Of_Isaac. McMillen, Edmund. The Binding of Isaac.]

[http://monster-mothers.wikia.com/wiki/Rosemary%E2%80%99s_Baby._Directed_by_Roman_Polanski. Rosemary's Baby. Directed by Roman Polanski.]

[http://monster-mothers.wikia.com/wiki/Silent_Hill_(film)._Directed_by_Christophe_Gans. Silent Hill. Directed by Christophe Gans.]

[http://monster-mothers.wikia.com/wiki/Tyler,_Carol._Late_Bloomer. Tyler, Carol. Late Bloomer.]

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